Nightmares
by ForbiddenKHfan216
Summary: A view about Kingdom Hearts from the perspective of Sora. Probably out of character for the cheerful bugger. Spoilers for the entire series, but especially for Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance.
1. Chapter 1

**My little commentary (through Sora's eyes anyway) about something in the game that always bugged me. **

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts and as such, Sora, is not mine. He belongs to Nomura and I only borrow him for my own purposes, only to put him back safe and sound when I'm done. **

* * *

_**Nightmares**_

Do you want to know what the scariest part was?

Well, part of it comes from the fact that no one believes you. I can sit in my classroom all day, learn about math and language and stuff, but no one will believe me. I'm a Keyblade Master. I've saved the world. I know magic, I'm strong enough to throw around any islander that gets it in their head to try to bully me. I'm _definitely_ not the same kid that disappeared a few years ago. No way. But no one believes me if I try to explain where I got these powers.

I summon my Keyblade. It's a neat trick, sure, but who believes me when I say that this weapon can destroy evil? Exactly no one except for my best friends, Riku and Kairi. They know because they have them too.

In the end, I just sit here in this classroom and learn about math. It's not going to do me any good, though; I'm a hero. An unsung hero, sure, but a hero nonetheless. I can promise you that I never once used the Pythagorean Theorem in the middle of battle to calculate what one of my enemies was doing. I usually just throw about fifty fireballs at it, whack it to either Donald or Goofy, we destroy it together, and then call it a night.

But… for some reason… that's still not why I have nightmares at night.

Not the math, of course. Though math tests suck. It's… something else. Something that only I've ever really thought about. Kairi was stuck on the island or frozen with the Princesses. Riku was trapped in the Dark World with the King. Me, I was asleep for a year with Donald and Goofy.

That's something I can't really forgive her for. The witch that trapped me there, I mean. She took my memories. Something important to me happened in that time period and she took it away. Without asking me! … Well, she probably _did_ ask but… it's still not fair… I forgot everything about her. That… I've never wanted to forget a friend…

No, that's not what scares me. What scares me… that's… what scares me…

Is the Heartless.

The Heartless.

That's it.

The Heartless is what scares me.

They were people once. They were people just like me, just like my friends. My family. They were people who were taken over by the Darkness and warped into creatures that could do nothing but convert even more people into what they were. Hollow. Empty. Evil. Everyone calls them evil. They put on this label to make themselves forget what they're fighting.

That Shadow? It could be someone's baby. Someone's little girl or boy that wandered into trouble and just… got taken.

That Soldier? Someone's lover. Someone's dad. Someone's mom. There's someone out there, maybe, that keeps waiting for that person to come home. And maybe, just maybe, they miss them. Or they stay up at night like me wondering where they went, how they went missing.

The Heartless are someone's lovers, children, husband, wife, best friend, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, neighbor, mother, father.

And I'm the one who kills them.

I'm the one with the weapons that sends them away. Do they die? Do they feel pain when they're like that? If they feel pain, do they feel their own Hearts inside of them being eaten away? Do they remember what it was like to be human? I did. I did_. I did_.

I remembered.

And that's what gives me nightmares.

Because I'm supposed to be the hero but I still kill people to save the others.

They were human once.

They were almost all human once, the Emblem Heartless. They were people once. They were people just like me, just like my friends. But I didn't save _them_.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I didn't slept well last night.

I mean, I almost never do. It's been a weird transition, going from camping (or hiding inside of the Gummi ship) and having to get up at all hours of the night due to Heartless and Nobody attacks to being able to get a full eight or nine hours in my own bed. I wake up every few hours, Keyblade in hand and paranoid that something's in my house _right __**now**_ and I have to get it or else it'll hurt my mom, dad, and siblings. Then I have to patrol the house real quick and check in my brother's and sister's bedrooms and then finally the master bedroom and then my room and check to see if all the windows and doors are locked. That usually lulls me back to sleep before I wake up again in another two hours. Then I have to do it again.

I yawn again in the middle of my math class, doodling another Heartless on the paper I'm 'supposed' to be working on. The teacher is talking up in front but whatever he's saying doesn't make any sense. Math is too hard to understand, especially when you're tired from wandering the house all night. Not doing it for two years was enough so that I have no idea what any of my classmates are scribbling on their papers. I have no idea what he's saying at all.

I don't feel my eyes shut and I don't feel my head clunk onto the desk and I don't feel myself fall asleep.

* * *

_I see the calm, emotionlessness smirk of Xemnas floating in front of me. His voice is far away, distant and inaudible. My friends, Riku and Donald and Goofy and even Kairi, turn to me and beg me to fight him, to destroy him for the sake of the worlds. I can't say no. I'm the Keyblade Master. It's up to me (and Riku and the King) to protect the worlds. Riku and I nod at each other before charging forward, Ultima in my hand and Way to the Dawn in his. _

_There's a loud clashing noise as the two powerful weapons strike against his Ethereal Blades. Metal on metal, even though his weapons are made of pure energy. He smiles. And suddenly, my weapon grows heavy in my hand. What? No! _

"_You __**will**__ fail at this rate," He exclaims in a way that would have been proud if he had had a heart. I turn to Riku, to beg him for help, but he is silent and once again, he's dressed in the dark suit that had accompanied him when we fought against each other two years ago. His eyes shine gold as the two Darkness-possessed creatures reach out to me._

_He grabs my shoulder and I scream out a fire spell. _

_Then suddenly, I smell something all too familiar that wakes me up immediately._

* * *

My teacher's hand is ripped free from my shoulder by the shockwave that is the Firaga spell and he goes crashing into another desk, unconscious because I had cast it right into his face. I hear the screams from my classmates as I leap onto the desk, flipping over it and landing next to him. The Keyblade clatters to the floor, skittering across the room as I kick it away.

Immediately, I start chanting Curaga spells over and over his body, begging with each one that my teacher's okay. The charred skin regrows slowly and soon the exposed muscle and bone is covered again and he is breathing much more easily. I look up at my classmates but the fourteen year olds are cowering behind the teacher's desk, too terrified to even look at me or to go for help.

It's the same look I've seen people give to the Heartless and it makes me feel that much worse knowing that to these kids, I'm now no better than the monsters.

I pick up my bookbag, slung it over my shoulder, and quickly make my exit out the window.

* * *

I spend the day hiding inside of the Secret Place.

If anyone finds me here, it'll be Riku and Kairi and I'm okay with talking to them. I pass the time finishing my worksheet and reading the next chapter in my English book and sparring with myself. Scorch marks and ice soon line the cavern walls but it doesn't make me feel better. Even smacking the stone with the Keyblade only alleviates a little bit of the frustration.

Xehanort.

It's all Xehanort's fault.

Sometimes I wonder if I can still feel his Darkness inside of me from when he made me mess up on the Mastery Exam. I mean, if I could, that would mean I would get the Darkness sensor that Riku has. That'd be useful, I guess. I'd be able to tell if there were Heartless around and protect my family. But I don't. I don't have it.

All I have are nightmares and the knowledge that I nearly killed one of my teachers.

I drop to my knees after three hours, too exhausted to fight anymore and too lazy to try to deal with the next bit of homework I have.

I just lean back onto the sand and look up at the ceiling, the only place that we couldn't reach as kids to draw on. It's funny but I know Riku can reach it now if he stands on his tiptoes. I could probably do it too but it's not like I know what to draw anymore.

"I knew I'd find you in here," A familiar voice scolds and I turn to see my mom stooping her way into the larger cavern. Kairi must have told her about the Secret Place. The moment she can stand up straight, Mom folds her arms across her chest and stares hard at me. "What happened?" She demands.

I turn away and start doodling in the sand, unable to look at her. Once again, my fingers automatically make the shape of a Shadow Heartless and then into the Soldier.

She softens before pushing through the sand and sitting down next to me. Putting an arm around my shoulder, I soon find myself buried in her dark brown hair. I close my eyes. It smells sweet and like home, paopu flowers and sea breeze. I hug her back and I feel her hands move to my shoulders, gently messaging them in a way that immediately makes me feel better.

"Sora, you know you can tell me anything," Mom says quietly.

I nod, tears prickling in my eyes and choking me. I don't want to talk about it. I already feel awful without having to drag Mom into it.

"It was an accident," I whisper back and she nods. I know she believes me. She just hugs me that much tighter and her hands work my shoulders that much more. "I didn't mean to," I say again before hugging her tightly, practically crawling into her lap in need of comfort.

I wish I was a little kid like my brother and sister.

They don't need to worry about the Heartless. They don't dream about the people they weren't able to save. They don't dream about megalomaniacs that would destroy all of the worlds. So I just lie there in my mother's arms, pretending I was a little kid and not the hero of the Keyblade. I'm supposed to be the hero. I like being a hero, I know I do. I like being special.

But I hate not being able to save everyone.

So I let myself go limp in my mother's arms and I pretend to be her son, just her little boy, for a while longer.

We talk for a while, not about my teacher or the fire spell I shoved in his face but about the twins and Dad and how it'd be fun to go fishing with the three of them.

Mom and Dad had missed me a lot during my travels. When my memory got wiped and they forgot about me, they had found something missing in their lives. Even with pictures of me in their rooms and on the walls of the house, they couldn't see their teenage son in them. So, eventually, they had two more kids. My little brother and sister. They were one and a half right now. It scared me out of my skin the minute I unlocked the door to my house and found a toddler staring up at me from a playpen.

It had taken a while to convince the girl that had been babysitting them that I lived there, especially since I didn't even know their names or how old they were. According to her, any good big brother would have known and that I was trying to steal from the house.

I practically threw munny at her to convince her that I didn't need it. But it had all been worth it when my mom had come through the door with her arms full of groceries only to recognize her 'delinquent, runaway son and you are in _so much __**trouble**_, Sora!' and hug me.

I lean against her shoulder as she keeps on rubbing mine. "Sora?" Mom asks, making me look up at her. "Your teacher's fine but we have to talk to the counselor, okay?" She informs me before helping me get to my feet so we could leave the Secret Place.

Oh sure, let's talk to the counselor again. The same guy who called me a liar when I told him I'd been traveling around the galaxy saving the worlds and protecting people from monsters.

I must have made a face or something because she glares at me.

"What?" I ask but she just sighs, rolling her eyes up to the heavens and asking for patience with me. "Mom, he said I'm a compulsive liar and that I need to be medicated."

"He said the same thing about Riku when Riku told him that he hoped that Darkness would end up eating his organs," She admits with a bit of a sigh. She rubs her temples before smiling at me, obviously agreeing that the school counselor was a jerk. I wasn't going to correct that one but I allow her to walk me out of the cave and back onto the beach.

The sun burns on my skin after being inside of the coolness of the cave. If I close my eyes, I can almost imagine it's the Pridelands sun or even the setting sun of Twilight Town.

I can almost hear the paddling noise that's Donald's footsteps or the weird sounds of Goofy's laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

When we get home, there's nothing but the sound of the TV blaring in the background.

The sound instantly makes me paranoid. No sound of my brother or my sister laughing, no sound of my dad playing with them, not even the sound of one of the twins running around or of Dad running after one of them. I immediately speed up, beating my mom running up the steps and slamming the door open.

I can already see it in my head.

Two little Shadows, crawling on the floor, looking up at me with golden eyes, screaming for their 'big brudder Sowa' to help them, my dad's larger Neoshadow charging from a doorway and attempting to rip out my mom's Heart the way that I had seen a Soldier do to a man and woman in Traverse Town.

My skin immediately burns with the heat of battle and I charge in, holding my hand out to the side to summon up the Keyblade. My mom cries out in the background for me to not run in the hall but it's all I can do to protect her. I run into the living room where the TV is, already beginning to form the words for Thunderaga on my lips.

My little brother and sister lie asleep on the rug, snoring softly and drooling all over the plush rabbits I had bought them when I found out it was their birthday. Dad is in an armchair and he's quietly watching a kid's movie that he probably put on for the kids.

"Hey, Sora," He greets me before his eyes fall down to the Keyblade in my hand. His expression immediately turns slightly confused and he nods toward it. "What's that?" Dad asks curiously.

I feel myself turn pale.

I'm not supposed to show off the Keyblade. In fact, Riku specifically said that it was a better idea for us to _hide_ the weapons from our folks instead of telling them the truth. We told them that we'd gotten lost when the island got swallowed up by Darkness and had only managed to get Kairi home first before us. After all, when we told them the truth, no one believed us… until we started saying the lie.

I grin and quietly desummon the Keyblade from behind the doorway. "Oh, just a toy for a project!" I lie cheerfully before whipping around before my Mom could come in and see it too. "I'm gonna go put my stuff in my room! Talk to you in a bit, Dad, bye!"

"Sora! No running in the hallway!" Both of my parents say but I'm already charging to my room and shutting the door. I sigh and lean against the door for a moment before chucking off my shoes, throwing my bag on the bed, and take a moment to change into something clean.

Well, clean_ish_.

I fish a not-too smelly shirt from under my bed and find on a pair of slightly short shorts that had probably fit when I was fourteen but now reached to mid-thigh. Needed to go shopping for clothes soon. If not, everyone's going to get the completely wrong idea about me. Maybe I should steal, ahem, _borrow_ some of Dad's pants again. I hesitate in front of the closet for a moment when I spot the outfit that the fairies made me, the only clothes that fit me now besides my school uniform.

It's tempting to put it back on.

I've only worn it a few times since coming here.

Putting the suit back on makes me the hero. Makes me know that I'm the chosen wielder of the Keyblade.

But at the same time, lately it's been giving me the shivers to put it back on. It's like if I put them back on, I'm acknowledging that I have to go out and destroy the Heartless again.

I end up settling for some sweatpants that used to belong to Dad before coming out of my room and sliding across the floorboards of the hallway to reach the living room.

When I come in, Mom and Dad are quietly talking to each other. They don't notice me for a few minutes and keep on discussing… me.

Dad runs his fingers through his hair, groaning. "How'd he set his teacher on _fire_?" He asks Mom, staring up at the ceiling in both shock and awe that I had managed to do magic in my sleep. Of course, he didn't know it _was_ magic so…

Mom shakes her head and sighs, uncertain herself on how I'd manage to do it. "They might not let him come back. … Some of the kids in the office, they said Sora did something to the teacher after throwing the fire at him. That it…" She hesitates, which makes Dad sit up and stare at her.

"It _what_?" He asks curiously and now his voice is so concerned that feels like he thinks I did something worse than nearly kill my teacher.

"It… _fixed_ him," Mom says after a moment of thinking about it. "That he'd almost had third degree burns when Sora first hit him but that he kept muttering something over him and that the burns went away. He doesn't have any burns now and he doesn't remember touching Sora, only waking up in the ambulance." She tells him, frowning thoughtfully on how I could have pulled that trick.

I really want to run in and start throwing Curaga spells around like a drunk monkey on a unicycle juggling flaming pineapples.

But instead, I just quietly cough and get their attention.

They both jump, turning around so hard that it almost looks like they both have whiplash.

"Sora, how long have you been there?" Dad demands curiously but he smiles at me, no doubt amused that I had managed to stay completely invisible enough to spy.

"A few minutes," I admit before walking to the couch, plopping down between Mom and a sleeping twin. I pull him into my lap and stroke his dark hair, letting him nuzzle in and drool over the sweatpants in his sleep. "So… I'm expelled?" I ask curiously, feeling my shoulders sink.

I mean, a high school dropout Keyblade Master. The King or god forbid, Donald, was going to have my head for failing to keep my secret so badly. I should have tried to keep myself under control. I should have made the nightmares go away. Maybe I should have grabbed one of the Dream Eaters from Traverse Town to serve as a bodyguard/pillow/cuddle buddy.

All I can do is hold onto my baby brother who just yawns softly in his sleep before curling up closer to me.

My dad sighs. "No, Sora, you're not expelled…" He informs me. When I don't smile cheerfully at that bit of good news, Mom pipes in with: "And no charges were filed either, sweetie."

Nico, my baby brother, makes a noise in his sleep that makes me flinch, having been reminded eerily of one of the Nightmare Dream Eaters chattering as they attack.

* * *

_The constant scratching grind of my feet as I sped through space on a glowing white track burned in my ears as I chased after the dark figure floating along on a purple broomstick. Every so often, the Spellican would turn around, look at me, and hurl numerous violet balls of light that would shave off a good chunk of my stamina and strength before seeming to cackle in amusement and face forward. Even when I managed to catch up and tackle it with a flurry of Keyblade swings and spells, it'd only serve to teleport me into a slightly more even playing field._

_Music, soft gentle notes that would have been better suited to be composed into a baby's lullaby, soared out of the stars the creature flung out of the wand end of its broom. Alarms screamed in my ears as they struck once, twice, thrice, ripping out chunks of flesh and sending spots of blood splattering against the colorful meteorites that were our battlefield. _

_My hand tightened around the Keyblade as I threw yet another healing item into my mouth, feeling the hot relief of the liquid coursing down my throat –_

* * *

"Sora, you're hurting him!"

My eyes fly open to suddenly see my hand wrapped tightly around my brother's tiny wrist, squeezing the now seemingly boneless structure as hard as I could. His mouth is open in a hysterical wail and his sister, his twin, screams along with him as my dad suddenly shoves me backwards.

The unexpected movement automatically makes my hand open and me skid on my palms to a stop before I could actually fall over. Nico tumbles from my lap, still crying as Dad scoops him up and cradles him to his chest. The baby's arm is limp from the wrist down, as if my grip had squeezed all life out of the appendage.

There's a terrified, primal fear in Dad's eyes as he rocks the baby slowly, though his gaze is locked firmly on me. He moves away slightly, protecting the infant in his arms just as carefully as a wild animal would to an injured cub. From that look, I know he thinks I might jump the baby again.

I… didn't mean to.

I didn't _mean_ to.

_**I didn't mean to!**_

I can suddenly hear Mom talking to me, like the world's sound had been drowned out by the music in my memories and had only just slowly being turned back up.

"Sora, honey, did you do that on purpose? Did you mean to hurt Nico?" I hear her say as if from a distance. My mouth opens to answer but I can't say a thing. The words lock in my throat, choking me as I stare at the broken hand hanging off of the baby's arm. "Sweetie, can you hear me? Sora?"

I feel her shaking me, her far off voice growing increasingly frightened as she speaks.

Dad starts speaking, trying to talk over the babies' screams, but I can't hear him either.

"Curaga." I whisper quietly, blinking back tears as the sensation of squeezing returns to my hand. It doesn't feel much different from holding the Keyblade. The motion is the same. It ended up accomplishing the same thing. I still hurt people.

Suddenly, the all too familiar trio of golden bells appears above Dad's head, startling him into almost dropping my brother for the second time.

I can hear them chime faintly, the sound almost feeling like it was traveling through murky water. Thousands, millions of Heartless and Nobodies and yes, even Nightmares, run through my mind. Faces flicker in and out behind them, my imaginings of what the people they used to be looked like. The Nightmares alone don't have the images but I still crawl backwards, backing away slowly from my family.

Have to get away from them.

Have to get the Keyblade.

Have to get back to Donald and Goofy and the King and Riku and Kairi.

"Sora? Sweetheart, can you hear me?" My mom says again.

This time it's louder. She's clearer. I suddenly notice I'm shaking as bad as I would if I was in Christmas Town without the protective magic of my suit. My head jerks forward in a nod.

The healed baby lets out a whimper and closes his eyes. The other toddler stares up at where the bells had been hanging, her mouth wide with surprise. Najika immediately starts trying to grab where they had been.

"Sora…" Dad breathes out slowly, his gaze falling to the little boy in his arms before going back up to mine. "Sora, what were those? Those… bells? They… they did… _something_… to your brother."

Mom quickly crosses the room from where I was to the baby's side, carefully lifting the once broken wrist up for inspection. Nico whimpers again, probably remembering the pain, before reaching out to her for comfort.

"Sora, he's all better," She exclaims in surprise, pulling her youngest son into her arms and giving him a much deserved cuddle. "Sora, what did you do?" She asks.

They stare at me, desperately wanting answers that I can't seem to force out of my mouth. Mom, Dad, I can do magic. That thing you saw earlier is called a Keyblade. Me and Riku and Kairi all have them. I'm training Kairi right now and Riku's training me. Riku and her can both do magic, too. I've spent the last two years on a galaxy-spanning mission across different worlds saving people from these creatures called the Heartless.

Mom, Dad, the Heartless were people once. The people who didn't get to fade with their homes. Mom, Dad, I might have killed someone from the islands, too, actually. They have hearts but they can't remember being human, as far as we know.

But the Nobodies do, and they were getting hearts but I took that away from them and I didn't know, Mom, Dad, I didn't know. I didn't mean to. I didn't _mean_ to.

The words jumble up in my throat, locking themselves inside. But I suddenly feel this warm wetness on the corners of my eyes and without meaning to, I start to cry.

Mom immediately puts the baby back in Dad's arms and goes over to me, wrapping her arms around me despite the fact that I'd just accidentally hurt one of her children. She runs her fingers through my hair, gently whispering that it was okay and that she knew I hadn't done it on purpose.

Dad on the other hand, looks down at the baby, looks back up at me and murmurs to himself. "So strong… how is he so strong…?" He says to himself, barely loud enough for me to pick it up. The baby's bones are fragile, yes, but not to the point I could really easily use enough force to cause his entire hand to have nerve damage.

"I'm sorry," I hear myself say.

"Sora, just how did you do that? Those bells… what were those bells…?" Dad says again, focusing back on me as soon as he hears the words come out of my mouth. "Sora, what made you blank out like that?"

Somehow, he knows that there's something wrong. Mom is instinctively protecting me, comforting me without knowing about the memories overflowing inside of me. Dad just knows there's something wrong.

Before I can answer, the doorbell suddenly chimes, making all five of us jump in surprise. There's a loud knocking on the door before the handle rattles in its socket.

"Sora! You here?" An all too familiar voice calls out sternly. The handle rattles again and Mom presses a hand to her chest.

"Dammit, Riku, not now," Dad cusses but he stands up anyway, cradling my brother to his arm protectively as he leaves the room to let him in.

I bend my head into my mom's shoulder, silently holding onto her as memories of the hallucinations run through my head.

* * *

**I've decided to put all notes down here at the bottom so you guys can ignore them if you want or read them if you want. It's all good, dear readers. **

**With in mind, nothing belongs to me except how the story is actually played out. Boo ya. Mine. ****And since I'm very depressed and mildly pissy at the moment, I couldn't help but write for this one and must now explain my motivation. **

**Mmm... On Sora's actions when remembering, I based it heavily off of what happens when I have my episodes. Yes, I occasionally have hallucinations and flashbacks and periods where I get trapped in a reverie I can't get out of on my own. No, I'm not crazy and as such neither is Sora. I also based it off of a solider's PTSD, because let's face it, Sora's basically a child soldier at least during game one. That can throw fireballs from a magic stick. THAT SPARKLES. **

**Also, I freakin' hate that stupid Spellican boss fight and I had to write it in because I forgot about the Dream Eaters when I first started writing this. **

**So with that in mind, thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you review, and if you read the notes, well, if anything ever seems off about my writing you now have an explanation. Also, English is not my first language and I learned it from TV. **

**Til next time, whoever's left!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Riku doesn't ask about the situation at school when he's stopped at the doorway.

He only listens, in a new solemn mature way that he'd never had before coming back to the islands as the youngest Master, to my dad's questions about the glowing bells of Curaga. True to his own command of saying nothing, he doesn't explain what they are. He only briefly says that they weren't dangerous and that if the baby was still injured or crying that he'd taken care of him with Dad's permission, of course.

The moment that this declaration is given, Dad lets him in the house and follows him as Riku walks slowly to the living room. His eyes widen slightly at the sight of Mom cradling me protectively and stroking my hair back every few seconds. An array of emotions flicker through his impassive face: confusion, worry, concern, anger, sadness. Then his expression hardens.

"Sora?" Master Riku says calmly, his voice suddenly taking on a strict aura of command. From the way he speaks, I know he expects to be obeyed. He takes a few steps forward, crossing the room quickly, and holds out his hand to me.

I grab it and hoist myself off the floor, allowing Riku to pull me to my feet. Standing in front of him, a flicker of mild jealousy goes through me as I notice, once again, that he's still taller than I am.

Wasn't I ever going to get to be the biggest one?

That doesn't escape him and an amused smile appears on my best friend's lips.

"Sora, you weren't taller than me yesterday," Riku teases and lightly claps his hand onto my shoulder, bringing me in for the closest approximation of a hug he could actually give. "You're not going to be taller than me today."

I scowl and laugh, already feeling better. "It'll happen one day," I insist though Riku rolls his eyes.

"Sure, when we're old and gray."

"You're _already_ gray!"

As my stunned parents watch us bicker the way we did when I was about five and Riku was six, their expressions slowly stop being so pinched from worry and start relaxing back into their normal 'parent' looks. My mom eventually just sighs and glances over at my dad in that weird 'boys will be boys' way. Dad immediately walks over to us, puts his hands on both of our shoulders, and gently pries me out of Riku's headlock.

"Alright, boys, that's enough," He scolds.

Riku grins and bows formally in apology, making him blink in surprise.

Unfazed by nearly being strangled to death by my best friend, I stretch and yawn. "Hey, Riku! What'd you come over for, anyway?" I ask curiously.

I mean, he almost never came over anymore, we just usually met at his house or the play island with Kairi –

Oh.

I go still as the sudden memory of what today was. Today was the day of the week Riku, Kairi, and I went to the play island and trained together. It was more Riku drilling us with a little bit of Kairi learning magic from me and Axel popping by every so often from Master Yen Sid's tower. As the ones with the most combat experiences, those two had quickly become our teachers, though Axel… no, _Lea_… was struggling to adapt to using a Keyblade instead of his chakrams.

I give Riku a sheepish grin.

He shakes his head and sighs.

"I should have known you forgot… Well, you've had a bit of a rough day," He admits. Taking a long look at my mom before smiling at her, he turns back to me. "If you want, you can sit today out, Sora."

Anger bubbles up in my stomach, making my mouth suddenly taste like bile. My hands curl up into fists as Riku starts deflecting questions from my dad on just what we were up to on the play island. He had been doing that ever since we'd come back from the Mastery Exam. Even if I had been disqualified due to Xehanort hijacking my dreams, he'd tried his hardest to become a mentor figure… to the point of treating his so-called 'students' as if they didn't know magic or how to swing a Keyblade.

I'd faced hundreds, thousands, maybe even a million Heartless. I took down the majority of Organization XIII.

The image of a boy smiling sadly at me, though I'd been told a thousand times over, over and over and over, that they had no emotions, flickers through my eyes. Roxas… the mirage of Roxas standing before my parents flickers his eyes over towards mine, holding his hand out to me, exactly how he had in my dreams…

A sudden knife-sharp pain goes through my heart, forcing me to my knees.

Again, the world fades away into a gray haze that I can barely pierce through. Three suddenly silent voices try to come through to me but they're so far away I can't even hear them… My hand clenches at my heart, feeling the pain of so many people that it feels like it was about to overflow…

Images flicker through my head, the images of dreams I'd been having ever since the exam…

* * *

_A girl in a dark hood, her feminine face slowly becoming mine and her frightened eyes as they fill with tears and start to shatter into a thousand crystals – _

_A boy in armor sleeping silently on a throne in an empty white room, his calm face at odds with the struggling that I hear inside of his heart, his voice begging me not to fall into dreams… or else fall into the same abyss that he had – _

_A girl sitting alone by a dark shore, nameless, nearly memory-less, silently waiting for the day that I'd be able to come through into the Dark World again and pull her out of the hell that she had been living from so many years – _

_A boy trapped within his own heart, seeing everything but unable to move as his own body betrayed him and became warped with Darkness, his voice crying out for friends that could not move beneath their own prisons – _

_A boy with my face looking out a dark window filled with stars, my own window, speaking softly to me as I slept. _

"_Sora… don't fall into dreams…" Roxas says in a quiet voice, a voice filled with forgiveness. "There's nothing here for you but regret… They said… Darkness… is nothing but hate and rage…" He chuckles softly, the sound making me want to cry out how unfair it was for such a good person to have to be a Nobody. He presses his hand to his chest, where the half-formed Heart he had been gaining until he chose to fade back into me beat weakly. "Your heart connects us… so don't let go of us…" _

"_Sora! Don't!" Another voice cries out in fear. "Don't do this! You've got to wake up!" Ven's voice is far off, so much farther than Roxas' that I can barely hear it. It sounds so similar, so much the same but there's a strange quality in it that distinguishes it so much from my Nobody's. I had… never heard him speak so clearly before… _

_He was supposed to be asleep… Ven… the boy in armor was supposed to be asleep…_

* * *

"Sora! Wake up!"

I suddenly spasm as something strikes against the side of my face, startling me back into consciousness. When my eyes fly open, I see Riku crouched next to me, his hand lowering slowly. His eyes are filled with concern and a unsettling determination.

I suddenly hear my mom and dad run over to me and wrap me up in an enormous hug, their intertwining voices asking over and over if I was alright, what had happened, what had I been seeing in my head that was making me scream…

My eyes remain on Riku. He looks at me sharply before straightening up and standing. All of a sudden, my friend disappears and the youngest Master takes his place. His voice is clipped and stern when he finally speaks.

"How long?"

My parents fall silent as I sit up, run my fingers through my hair, and look away from him. When he repeats his question again, much more sternly this time, I look up at him and answer.

"Since we came back from the exam."

Master Riku's eyes narrow in anger. "And you didn't let any of us know? You could have said something to one of us and we could have gotten you help from our friend," He spits out, his double message all too clear. I should have told Lea so that he would have told the King about the nightmares and the sudden freezing I kept doing. Shaking his head, Riku takes a step forward, his temper cooling at something he sees in my face. "Sora, just what do you see when you fall into… that… dream?"

"Dream?" Dad blurts out in astonishment.

I look away then, shaking my head as I struggle to find the words for what I see in my head. The people that are lost but chained to my heart, the Heartless that I had slain, the Nobodies I had destroyed when they had been getting a chance to be human again…

It takes a moment before I hear myself answer. I had to say it in a way that wouldn't give up too much to my parents, to keep them safe from this knowledge like Riku had said for us to do.

"Our… enemies. It's mostly… them… and the ones that come from their… creation."

I hear Riku pause for a moment before I look back up at him. There's sympathy there, etched into his face, but he just shakes his head. "Sora… I know you're afraid," He says calmly, his voice softening as he takes a seat next to my mom and puts his hand onto my knee. "But no matter what happens, they won't get you… you're too strong for them to take you back." He insists, patting my leg awkwardly, obviously unused to having to give out such physical comfort.

I stare at him before shaking my head.

"They…. They were children once," I explain slowly, unable to connect the image of Riku comforting me to the maelstrom of emotions that course through me at admitting those four words. "They were _children_, Riku! Moms and _dads and_ _**uncles**__**and**_** friends and** – !"

"But they aren't now." Riku interrupts bluntly, cutting off my increasingly louder voice. "They're not human anymore and they'll never be human again until we set them free."

He leans back and looks up at my confused parents struggling to follow the conversation between us. He jumps up to his feet, rocking slightly as he stands up. He rubs a strand of silvery hair between his fingers for a moment before turning on his heel and making for the door.

"I think we should cancel for today. I'll be with our friend on the island. … but I'll send Kairi over in a bit." Riku calls over his shoulder, his formidable Master voice suddenly gone.

"Now you wait here just a second, Riku!" Dad shouts after him. He stands up, bolting after my friend. "You're not going _anywhere_ until you explain – "

Suddenly Dad stops in mid-step and mid-sentence, staring at the once again unmovable figure of Master Riku as he turns around slowly. There is a hardness in his unblinking expression that leads to no defiance, though if he learned this from Master Yen Sid I had no idea. They stay completely still for a moment before Dad just takes a step back and Riku walks out.

I throw my mom's hands off of me and charge out after him.

"Sora!"

* * *

**I rather like the glare Riku has now. Just imagine the commercial for it. "The Master Riku Death Glare!" TM. Available in a store near you! Only $79.99! when you call this toll free number!" **

**Alright, enough of my fevered musing. Need to clear something up. **

**The whole reason why Riku gave the order for the other two to not tell their parents what had happened was so that they wouldn't worry about them or try to stop them when it comes time for them to go save the worlds. I mean, imagine that dinner. Your kid is one of a special group of people chosen by a magic key to save the various Disney owned worlds from destruction from tiny shadow bugs to gianourmous dark monsters the literal size of a planet that rip out people's hearts and make you into them... and there's a creepy old guy that took control of a boy's body to use it for his own nefarious purposes. Either they'd end up locked up in a loony bin or they're never getting off the island without parental supervision. And that just can't happen in this kind of game. ... Though the image of either Sora's dad or Riku's mom tagging along on a gummi ship ride has its merits... **

**Also Lea's there. I like Lea, he reminds me of someone who's very dear to me. Welp, you know what time it is. If you like this story, please review and give me some feedback and if you made it through my ramblings, thank you! **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Running always felt good.

Even after I pass Riku and he starts chasing after me, I keep going. With my heart pumping and my limbs flying, any nightmares or bad thoughts that I might have had couldn't play in my head. The sun shines down brightly at the two of us and with the sand scattering under our feet, it feels just like it did when I was a little kid and there wasn't any sign of the Heartless, the Nobodies, or the Dream-eaters.

"Sora, wait up!" Riku shouts after me but I throw my head back and give him a big grin in answer. I see his expression harden, though unlike "Master Riku's" glare, this is far more playful and amused despite the worry.

The next thing I know, he's right on my heel and tackling me to the ground, causing a chain reaction where we knock a woman off her feet, trip over a dog, and then finally crash into a store front and knock ourselves out for a few minutes.

In the laughing crowd of people who we find gathered around us a few minutes later when we finally get our wind back, we hear an angry shout from the woman we knocked over: "Sora, Riku, you two really need to be more careful!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Nomura," We bow deeply in apology… or at least how deeply we were physically able to in our current dizzy condition. After Riku helps her up and carefully walks her back to her store, he marches back to me sitting next to the door way.

He spends a good minute staring at me as I try to brush the sand off of my dad's sweatpants. Finally, he plops down next to me, leaning his head back on the wall like I was doing. "Sora?" Riku asks quietly.

"Yeah, Riku?" I respond, taking off a stubborn bit of sand from my thigh.

"You sure you're okay?"

I pause for a moment, unsure on how to explain.

"The Heartless…" I begin slowly, glancing over to Riku. "Don't they bother you?"

Riku yawns, apparently getting sleepy in the warm afternoon sun. "It's not like they're that hard to fight, Sora," He says slowly, as if suddenly understanding my words for the first time. "Are you scared of them?"

I shake my head no.

He crosses his legs, puts his hands up on the back of his head, and leans back. There's a contemplative look on his face as Riku stays quiet for a few minutes, apparently mulling things over in his head as I keep wiping sand off myself.

"I'm scared of them sometimes," He admits softly, a strange expression replacing the thoughtful one. When I turn to look at him, he's already drawn up his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. A slight shiver goes through my friend's body, despite the intense sun. "Sometimes, I think I can still feel Ansem." Here, a determined stubbornness replaces the fear. "But I'm not going to be afraid of him anymore," His hands curl into fists and then Riku relaxes, looking at me with a gentleness that reminds me funnily enough of when he was younger and found a sick bird. He took months slowly bringing it back to life and then released it when it was strong enough to go. "I know there's light in this world, Sora, and I have reasons to keep going. Do you understand? There's no reason to be scared."

"They were people once." I murmur, though it's more to myself than to Riku. "I'm scared because I didn't save them. I don't know if I can ever save them. … The Nobodies… They were people, they were becoming whole, we found that out during the exam, right?"

He nods slowly.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. The King himself had explained it to me and a small selfish part of me wishes that he hadn't. That part of me wished the Nobodies and the Heartless could have remained bad guys to be destroyed, not the victims of a battle that would wage on long after I was gone. But the images of the Organization members that had faded away under my sword. I could still see Demyx, the one that insisted with everything he had that he was real and even worse _that he was __**right**_, screaming as he disappeared under clouds of black smoke.

Before, I could look on without feeling guilty because I thought I was ending his pain of feeling nothing. I thought it was just a way to go to the main problem, the main person, _**creature**_, causing Darkness to spread through the worlds. One Nobody or even a million Nobodies were only steps on the ladder to get to Xemnas and end everyone's hurting. Kairi's pain of losing her family and her memories, mine of being unable to help those who'd had their worlds broken, Leon's of losing his friends, Riku's for what Ansem had done to him.

But now?

Now when I look at my hands, when I see the Keyblade, I see my little brother screaming as I break his wrist from being lost in the memories. I see Demyx, the one that no one believed but had ended up dying in trying to become whole anyway. I see Axel, sacrificing himself for a friend that had gotten what he wanted for himself and what he had all along. I see women, men, children becoming monsters that can only create more monsters in their attempts to gain what they lost.

"Can we save the people who turned into Heartless?" I ask instead of what was going through my head.

Riku thinks about for a moment before closing his eyes. "Sora... the only thing we can really do for them is make sure they don't hurt anyone else," He says calmly, his eyes heavy with the effort it took to say those words.

I thought I understood.

They were monsters.

It was okay to kill monsters, I tell myself. For the next couple minutes we sat there, I keep repeating that sentence over and over in my head. It's okay to kill monsters. It's okay to kill monsters. The Heartless are monsters. They hurt families. They kill people and make more of them and the people who created the Emblem Heartless were monsters for destroying those lives.

It's okay to kill monsters.

When Riku finally takes my hand and helps me hop back onto my feet, it almost felt better.

He smiles at me before asking me if I wanted to train today after all.

I nod eagerly and we quickly go over plans of what I was going to train Kairi in. I train her and Riku trains Lea how to fight with Keyblades. Kairi has a knack for magic and I was teaching her how to aim properly and how much magic to use. Lea on the other hand, has combat skills but difficulty in wielding a Keyblade since he's used to spinning discs around instead of a blade.

Kairi is getting lots better, lots better in physical attacks. She was a little scared at first since she was practicing with me instead of on Heartless. We used trees at first and then I ended up having to put on a hat with antenna on it so I could pretend to be a Heartless. Master Yen Sid himself also taught her regularly in spells and she was growing closer and closer to Riku's and my levels every day.

The whole time, Riku complains jokingly about Lea's constantly whacking him with fire spells and that he had to invest in an entirely new wardrobe to keep up with the burns. He slings his arm around my shoulder as we laugh and continue to make plans.

* * *

**More of a filler chapter but hey, I hope you guys enjoyed this anyway. **

**It was more of a way to show that Nightmares-Sora's trying to rationalize what he's done so far, as in-game Sora has (so far!) not dealt with what he did to the Nobodies. Personally, the Heartless are much scarier to me as well... as Riku points out, the only thing you can do to help them is to destroy them. You can't really force them back into their old selves like the Nobodies sort of can with their pseudo-hearts. ... does that make this entire fic a spoiler for KH3DS? Hmm. **

**Anyway. I do hope you lovely readers are still with me and that you'll keep on reading. Please, feel free to leave comments on the writing and theories you have on where this is going or what you'd like to see further on. Thank you!**


End file.
